On Thursday 17th Sept I was sitting on couch, minding my own business and watching TV, we’d had a really good day, we had the 6 week CT scan that morning and then the pillow master and I had gone out for bunch, a restful afternoon followed and I went to watch the kids at their swimming lessons, I was even getting used to car travel! Anyway so there I was sitting comfortably watching the news, kids playing happily, wife making dinner…. When suddenly I hear a ‘crack’ in my HALO, at least I think I heard something, I certainly felt a shift and suddenly I was in agony!! I screamed out in pain and I dropped to the floor holding onto the brace - the screws feel like they are winding into my brain, I'm going to die - right here right now. Sam came running into the lounge room when I called out, and she asked “What happened?” “Sam, what's going on with the HALO?!?!? What can you see? It feels like it’s collapsing… my head feels like its collapsing”
Sam says she can’t see anything, but then the pin sites on my forehead begin to bleed, blood starts to drop of my head. I'm I tremendous pain, my kids are crying, Sam is crying, tears roll down my face as I try to stay calm. “You need to call me an ambulance” I say.
Sam calls an ambulance and calls her parents to come and be with the children, she also calls a friend in case her parents don’t arrive before the ambulance has to leave. The ambulance arrives and neither friend nor parents have arrived yet so our lovely neighbour comes over.
As I sit there I try to talk to Luke, my son, he’s upset and scared, Sophie is too, and has run to her bedroom in tears, she comes out periodicity. Sam is trying to keep herself and the kids calm, I cannot move, the pain is beyond anything anyone should ever feel…. Feeling helpless and sit leaning forward whilst trying to support my collapsing brace.
“AMBULANCE ARRIVES”
As soon as the paramedics turn up there is no mucking around, quick intro and it's a whack of morphine via IV. Yip there it goes... Sorry that hasn't even hit the sides... More needed... Rob, the attending officer was amazing, I explained how much I hate that morphine rush and what it does to me. He was great, administered it really slowly so it didn’t knock me flat.
Before we leave the house the kids give me things to take to hospital, for Luke it’s a racing car and Sophie it’s one of her teddy bears and thinking about it she adds “HALO” my bedside friend who has been there since day one (this is the cuddly bear the kids brought upon arriving at hospital)
As we leave the driver Karen was awesome too, I could hear her and Sam chatting on what must have been the slowest trip to hospital emergency for them, Karen drove super slow as I could feel every bump, and yep another hit of morphine, still doesn't hit the sides. By the time we get to Westmead they have put 10mg into me. I'm still completely with it and in huge pain. Sam points out that there’s no pain in my shoulder so it must be doing something…. The paramedics apologise, but they can’t give me anymore without risking and overdose! Have I mentioned how awesome the paramedics were? Emergency was busy! But there was no way they were leaving until I was in a bed, hospital staff wanted to move me to another stretcher, but every movement was agony, talking hurt, I just sat hunched forward trying to take the pressure off my head, and then I wanted to vomit! (My standard reaction to morphine) Vomiting is never fun, and it’s worse in a brace and worse still when the slightest movement is agonising. I was sitting there, trying not to vomit, trying not to cry, trying not to move, Sam on one side rubbing my shoulder, Karen on the other discussing with Rob what other anti-nausea medication they could hit me with… don’t know what they gave me but it passed and I was left sitting still with my pain but thankfully without the urge to vomit. Finally they got me into a bed. Karen and Rob left to attend to other emergencies, Sally (a wonderful friend of Sam’s) came into emergency to be with Sam. They took me for a CT scan and then I simply tried to be still and we all waited for an orthopaedic registrar to arrive.
Upon his arrival the ortho registrar confesses he hasn’t much experience with these devices and I tell him that it honestly feels like if he were to just loosen the pins in my forehead everything would ease, he does this, loosening the pins by a fraction of a turn. Instant relief! Sam and Sal are amazed by the transformation as I sit up and move more freely again. The registrar informs us that our specialist will come by in the morning and in the meantime I’m to try and get some rest. Relieved to see me infinitely more comfortable Sam and Sally leave me for the night, it’s almost midnight by now, everyone needs to try and get some sleep.
Sam returns to Emergency at 6am, the specialists tend to do their rounds early and she wants to be sure she’s there when he comes by, When she walks into emergency the first thing she notices is that the brace has moved, the pics that were in my forehead (the ones which were loosened last night) have moved, they’re now an inch and half closer to my hairline. I wake up to see Sam there and she asks how I’ve slept, I think I’ve slept pretty well but she looks worried. “Please don’t move” she says as she informs me the pins have moved and takes a photo to show me. The nurses say they noticed the pins had moved and that the Dr had been notified….I’m instructed to stay still.
“HALO REFIT”
The Dr comes by a short while later….. Apparently the CT looks good!! The fracture has begun to knit… BUT ……The Halo needs to be refitted!
Ok so, are we talking about screwing the pins back to original pin site holes? No, this isn't some lube and tyre change, “the rods are out” (racing saying) it's going to need a rebuild - starting from scratch with 4 new screws fitted into your skull! Farrrk! Doctor orders 4 new Titanium pins to replace the original ceramic pins. When these arrive we are blown away with how different they are. The ceramic pins have an almost ball point pen point, the titanium pins have a sharp pin point end, which taper out to a larger flat diameter tip. This gives a lot better clamping – a lot more painful as well I find out.
To fit the HALO the first time they gave me a light sedation, but this time we’re doing it in a normal ward and the procedures are different here. The Dr administers a local anaesthetic (a needle into the skin which feels like it goes straight into the skull!) one is normally enough per pin site – but I’m special and need 2 jabs at every pin site and I’m still in pain. We are installing the pins in new locations but they are close to the original ones which are still sore and swollen. My Doctor AKA… Dr Pain jokes about having to strap me down and if we have enough ceiling height for the blood splatter… I know this light heartiness is meant to help… it doesn’t. We just have to take it slowly screwing the pins ½ a turn each and leaving them for 5 minutes for the pain to subside. They even call in the “pain management team” to give me something much stronger, it’s vile! Tastes like solvent and I’m not sure it dulled the pain at all, but eventually it’s done.
Sam found this whole process incredibly hard to watch and had to leave the room every so often.
“BACK ON THE DRUGS”
I have discussed previously in this blog how I loathe taking the hard opiate drugs and how they make me feel (dull and groggy) after the local wears off from the pin sites I start to realise this new HALO installation is going to be painful, more painful than the first. To get through the next week I’m going to have to take them - lots of them. This of course comes with its dramas, making me vomit and blocking up the back passage. They don’t disappoint, vomiting for the next 4 days and I don’t poo for 5 days. It takes 3 days on a laxative before the seal is finally broken.
When I was setting up the blog up in advance I typed this heading… “20/09/2015 Hooray, we are at week 6! My ½ way point.” Six weeks in, this should have been a happy time for me – but in fact saw me back in hospital, in pain and high as a kite! I have left it here as a reminder not to allow the HALO to beat me.
(23/09/2015) I’m starting to feel human again and start to write this week’s entry for the blog. One advantage of being high on morphine is I’m working my shoulder, we have also adjusted my head position this time around which seems to have taken a little pressure off the shoulder – this has had a positive result on my sleeping and physio work. After a week I seem to have improved my night time sleep pattern and shoulder movement. Remember I’m still “high” so I really can’t celebrate too quickly. Need to get of the hard drugs.
Top Picture - Screwing the HALO.
Second Picture - Ceramic Pin (Top) Titanium Pin (Lower)
Lower Picture - In bed with HALO (Bear) and racing car.
Bottom Picture - The HALO slips over night "DONT MOVE"
Sam says she can’t see anything, but then the pin sites on my forehead begin to bleed, blood starts to drop of my head. I'm I tremendous pain, my kids are crying, Sam is crying, tears roll down my face as I try to stay calm. “You need to call me an ambulance” I say.
Sam calls an ambulance and calls her parents to come and be with the children, she also calls a friend in case her parents don’t arrive before the ambulance has to leave. The ambulance arrives and neither friend nor parents have arrived yet so our lovely neighbour comes over.
As I sit there I try to talk to Luke, my son, he’s upset and scared, Sophie is too, and has run to her bedroom in tears, she comes out periodicity. Sam is trying to keep herself and the kids calm, I cannot move, the pain is beyond anything anyone should ever feel…. Feeling helpless and sit leaning forward whilst trying to support my collapsing brace.
“AMBULANCE ARRIVES”
As soon as the paramedics turn up there is no mucking around, quick intro and it's a whack of morphine via IV. Yip there it goes... Sorry that hasn't even hit the sides... More needed... Rob, the attending officer was amazing, I explained how much I hate that morphine rush and what it does to me. He was great, administered it really slowly so it didn’t knock me flat.
Before we leave the house the kids give me things to take to hospital, for Luke it’s a racing car and Sophie it’s one of her teddy bears and thinking about it she adds “HALO” my bedside friend who has been there since day one (this is the cuddly bear the kids brought upon arriving at hospital)
As we leave the driver Karen was awesome too, I could hear her and Sam chatting on what must have been the slowest trip to hospital emergency for them, Karen drove super slow as I could feel every bump, and yep another hit of morphine, still doesn't hit the sides. By the time we get to Westmead they have put 10mg into me. I'm still completely with it and in huge pain. Sam points out that there’s no pain in my shoulder so it must be doing something…. The paramedics apologise, but they can’t give me anymore without risking and overdose! Have I mentioned how awesome the paramedics were? Emergency was busy! But there was no way they were leaving until I was in a bed, hospital staff wanted to move me to another stretcher, but every movement was agony, talking hurt, I just sat hunched forward trying to take the pressure off my head, and then I wanted to vomit! (My standard reaction to morphine) Vomiting is never fun, and it’s worse in a brace and worse still when the slightest movement is agonising. I was sitting there, trying not to vomit, trying not to cry, trying not to move, Sam on one side rubbing my shoulder, Karen on the other discussing with Rob what other anti-nausea medication they could hit me with… don’t know what they gave me but it passed and I was left sitting still with my pain but thankfully without the urge to vomit. Finally they got me into a bed. Karen and Rob left to attend to other emergencies, Sally (a wonderful friend of Sam’s) came into emergency to be with Sam. They took me for a CT scan and then I simply tried to be still and we all waited for an orthopaedic registrar to arrive.
Upon his arrival the ortho registrar confesses he hasn’t much experience with these devices and I tell him that it honestly feels like if he were to just loosen the pins in my forehead everything would ease, he does this, loosening the pins by a fraction of a turn. Instant relief! Sam and Sal are amazed by the transformation as I sit up and move more freely again. The registrar informs us that our specialist will come by in the morning and in the meantime I’m to try and get some rest. Relieved to see me infinitely more comfortable Sam and Sally leave me for the night, it’s almost midnight by now, everyone needs to try and get some sleep.
Sam returns to Emergency at 6am, the specialists tend to do their rounds early and she wants to be sure she’s there when he comes by, When she walks into emergency the first thing she notices is that the brace has moved, the pics that were in my forehead (the ones which were loosened last night) have moved, they’re now an inch and half closer to my hairline. I wake up to see Sam there and she asks how I’ve slept, I think I’ve slept pretty well but she looks worried. “Please don’t move” she says as she informs me the pins have moved and takes a photo to show me. The nurses say they noticed the pins had moved and that the Dr had been notified….I’m instructed to stay still.
“HALO REFIT”
The Dr comes by a short while later….. Apparently the CT looks good!! The fracture has begun to knit… BUT ……The Halo needs to be refitted!
Ok so, are we talking about screwing the pins back to original pin site holes? No, this isn't some lube and tyre change, “the rods are out” (racing saying) it's going to need a rebuild - starting from scratch with 4 new screws fitted into your skull! Farrrk! Doctor orders 4 new Titanium pins to replace the original ceramic pins. When these arrive we are blown away with how different they are. The ceramic pins have an almost ball point pen point, the titanium pins have a sharp pin point end, which taper out to a larger flat diameter tip. This gives a lot better clamping – a lot more painful as well I find out.
To fit the HALO the first time they gave me a light sedation, but this time we’re doing it in a normal ward and the procedures are different here. The Dr administers a local anaesthetic (a needle into the skin which feels like it goes straight into the skull!) one is normally enough per pin site – but I’m special and need 2 jabs at every pin site and I’m still in pain. We are installing the pins in new locations but they are close to the original ones which are still sore and swollen. My Doctor AKA… Dr Pain jokes about having to strap me down and if we have enough ceiling height for the blood splatter… I know this light heartiness is meant to help… it doesn’t. We just have to take it slowly screwing the pins ½ a turn each and leaving them for 5 minutes for the pain to subside. They even call in the “pain management team” to give me something much stronger, it’s vile! Tastes like solvent and I’m not sure it dulled the pain at all, but eventually it’s done.
Sam found this whole process incredibly hard to watch and had to leave the room every so often.
“BACK ON THE DRUGS”
I have discussed previously in this blog how I loathe taking the hard opiate drugs and how they make me feel (dull and groggy) after the local wears off from the pin sites I start to realise this new HALO installation is going to be painful, more painful than the first. To get through the next week I’m going to have to take them - lots of them. This of course comes with its dramas, making me vomit and blocking up the back passage. They don’t disappoint, vomiting for the next 4 days and I don’t poo for 5 days. It takes 3 days on a laxative before the seal is finally broken.
When I was setting up the blog up in advance I typed this heading… “20/09/2015 Hooray, we are at week 6! My ½ way point.” Six weeks in, this should have been a happy time for me – but in fact saw me back in hospital, in pain and high as a kite! I have left it here as a reminder not to allow the HALO to beat me.
(23/09/2015) I’m starting to feel human again and start to write this week’s entry for the blog. One advantage of being high on morphine is I’m working my shoulder, we have also adjusted my head position this time around which seems to have taken a little pressure off the shoulder – this has had a positive result on my sleeping and physio work. After a week I seem to have improved my night time sleep pattern and shoulder movement. Remember I’m still “high” so I really can’t celebrate too quickly. Need to get of the hard drugs.
Top Picture - Screwing the HALO.
Second Picture - Ceramic Pin (Top) Titanium Pin (Lower)
Lower Picture - In bed with HALO (Bear) and racing car.
Bottom Picture - The HALO slips over night "DONT MOVE"